My inner child is screaming at me

”I told you we couldn´t trust anyone!!! They will all leave us in the darkness!!! Why did you put us through this again, we are better off alone, I told you!!!”

But my older and wiser self is saying

”Oh hush now little child. They never left us. They just can´t follow us into this darkness. See? They are up there, in the light, waiting and cheering for us! It´s not about trust, some paths we just have to walk alone.

Don´t worry, I´ve got you little one! Just hold on to me if you´re scared, I´ll get us both up eventually. I will get us out of this darkness, but you have to be patient, it might take a while.

There is a beautiful life waiting for us up there, trust me. We have lots of friends who love and support us. They will be there ready with a fire hose to clean off the mud on our bodies after our struggle to get out of this dirt pit! If you don´t want your body dirty just cling onto my back and I´ll do the fighting for us. I can hold us both! Trust me. I´ve got you!

Are you ready? Take my hand, get up on my back and let´s go!”

I have also looked for professional help. I need a psychiatrist, a trauma processing coach, a grief processing therapist and someone who could also advice on relationship problems…preferably who speaks Swedish. I though it will be impossible to find a combination of all these above but BOOM! There she was, exactly what I was looking for! One person who got all the skills I needed. I will book an appointment. Luckily I get 8 free appointments through my husbands work. Otherwise, this would be an expensive story. So I guess, there will be a lot of posts in the future regarding mental health, insights from therapy and spiritual awakening…

Looking forward to it but also not…it will be a living hell! But I am ready! Alright brain, game on! Show me your worst and I´ll battle you to death! We see who wins in the end and if we can agree on peace!