Apparently this text wants to come out in English. Don´t ask me why because I do not know! But this text rose inside me while I felt highly insecure in my partner and realised that he holds my safety… I do not have a solid safety within myself, which is why I fall completely in darkness when my partner does unexpected things. My safety lies with him and this is not at healthy relationship but rather a codepending one. I need to find my own safety, trust myself, know myself and believe myself so I wont be depending on him to provide deep emotional safety for me. I need to dig deep and figure out why I so easily feel unsafe and unwanted.

I have realized that this feeling of extreme unsafety comes from my childhood. This is exactly they way I felt while I was living with my parent. Never wanted, never heard, never important… just a tool in a crazy tornado of psycotic breakdowns.

I was in the middle of a panic attack recently when I started deep mediation. I felt like I was in hell with flames rising high around me. I was Kali, ego slayer, who burnt everything she could reach. I burnt all my connections to friends and family, I burnt my past, my present and my future. I was chaos! And I realized that my partner can not reach me in this chaos, no one can! The fire is too fierce and the internal chaos too extreme.

However…there was someone trying to reach me and it took me a long time to hear his voice…

Finding my Divine Masculine

No man will be able to meet me in the depths

My deepest depths are in the fiery pits of hell

No man will survive the agony, the pain

Man´s ego will get in the way

And my fiery hell will rage into inferno

No man will survive my hell

This pain is only for the feminine to bear

No man can shine his golden light to ease

No man is strong enough to bare the flames

No man…but One

The One Man lives inside me

The One Man has seen it all

Felt my pain, tried to reach

Seen the dark, gathering strenght

The One Man will descend to hell

Bare the pain of the flames and turn them love and golden light

The One Man will calm the inferno

Penetrate the darkness and strip the masks of my demons

Turn the darkness to an enlighted path

The One Man…Inside of me